i never talk about love only because it is and has been the void in my life for the last 60 years. Searching for that unconditional love is one of the hardest things anyone can go through and with my recent self-discovery, i realized it should have been the most important. My suffering has escalated to a 10, and that being said, it’s making me jump out of my seat.
i am so consumed with trying to project this strong, confident personality that I have forgotten one thing that is most important:
how to love myself.
i am sick of other people’s successes and how they brag about it, mindless intentions that make no sense and more so why i am so unlucky in all aspects of my life. when they tell you to speak to a professional, i ask the famous question:
what good is talking about something that will not change?
people need to understand that some of us aren’t born lucky or good willed. we are doomed to fail no matter how hard we try at this game of life. when we decide to make something good, shit follows. that has been the case for me.
now, i exists only because i have a son who needs me to guide him in this hell hole of chaotic life. shielding him from the truth is not something i do because i want him to know how reality must be seen and understood.
i do not pretend to be something i am not, i don’t lie to anyone and i do not avoid tragedy because tragedy is my second name. it is part of my lifestyle and doomed to follow until i take my last breath.
if i ever find a way to belong or a place of peace and tranquility, then maybe, happiness will follow.