how do we embrace time through chaos and tragedy? we absorb the moment. we simply live the reality and know that our path is there laid out in a way meant for us. accepting that can only encourage you to see the bigger picture and remember that no matter the course you take, there will always be something or someone to change that path.
i have been quite ill since the last 2 weeks and i have come to realize that people are really just a number. we are constantly trying to live up to other people’s expectations in order to satisfy a need but in the end, it boils down to what really matters to them. i have wasted so much of my life caring for other people and believing they felt the same, it has exhausted me to this moment. loss and grief can awaken anyone and so does illness. when the one thing you have has become the cause of you losing your ability to work, you ask yourself, “what next?”
yes, i have lost my voice due to an illness and i am admitting that i am scared. i still need an income and my specialty in the real world is customer service. i am on the phone 8 hours of the day helping others and now i can’t speak. although i have other talents especially with data entry or computers, it still is not enough. this is kind of situation brings up all kinds of emotions and feelings that i would rather bury because i don’t want to face the fact that financially i am not ready to retire and can’t support myself.
imagine that: at 60, broke, and nothing to live on.
it is a good thing i have a partner who supports me and gives me a roof over my head because honestly i am no sure where i would be or go. so for today, i will breath and let this path guide me to a better place and understanding of why this is happening.
