Purpose

The desire to mean something and live unconditionally. that is how I see and live but there are few times when blackness fell over me and the hole got bigger. I have had many ideas over the years, blogging, writing my feelings and failures or simply expressing my daily adventures. People give great content and now that I have little interactions, it is difficult to find the right words.

When you self isolate, you tend to search deep inside for those black moments. The why’s, the when’s, the who’s and begin examining life as you know it not how you wanted it to be. I believe taking a moment or two is a good remedy for a reality check. Some people keep so busy, they forget to breath. They are wrapped up in their daily routine’s, making an impression or two on something that has no value.

I have been searching for my purpose and knowing I am completely sane, there has been this little voice inside my head lately telling me to finish my project. Yes, I was working on a new book last year and stopped writing in it. Why? Not sure. I guess I was very discouraged about my personal life and how scared I am about the future. Then one day, I thought: “fuck it” – let life decide my journey.

I have not worked in a very long time and the stress of no money really affects me in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I have always been self sustainable and to rely on a man for anything really makes me feel less of a woman. I am not sure why no one wants to hire me, although, the awful truth is probably age, I still am capable and willing. We shall see what the end of the month brings when there is no money left to live on.

In the meantime, live unconditionally and find your purpose through words and signs.